Prince Charmless
by Orange Sherbet
Summary: In which Sakura is a damsel and Deidara is in distress. Requested by SaRaInLove!


_Notes: My own little twisted version of Sleeping Beauty :D enjoy!_

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**P**_r_i**n**_c_e **C**_h_a**r**_m_l**e**_s_s

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Deidara hoisted the sword over his shoulder. grunting when he felt a stab of pain shoot through his hand. Well, it was his own fault for giving the dragon a clear shot. Not that it mattered, anyhow. He'd killed the creature just like the King had asked him too. Now all that was left was to bring his bratty little daughter back home.

Making his way down the long hallway, Deidara wondered idly if the princess could fix sword hand. It was nearly burned to a crisp, but there were rumors all over Konoha that she had some sort of magical healing powers. But then again, those brain-dead leaf-lovers would believe anything.

He stopped at the end of the hall, where, pressed against the wall, a canopy bed shrouded in pink and purple curtains lay atop a short flight of stairs. God, the last thing Deidara wanted to do was walk more. Maybe he could just yell this chick's name? But wait...the King had said something about that too. He was starting to think that zoning out during the rescue instructions wasn't such a good idea.

With a small groan of effort, Deidara hoasted himself up the velvet-lined stairway. He reached the bed after about two minutes, and proptly threw back the curtains and flopped down on it face first, not even noticing the limp figure lying next to him.

Sakura cracked an eye open, glaring at the man who so rudely interrupted her nap. And not to mention he had also helped himself to her sheets. Who did he think he was?

_Obviously, he's some sort of knight. _She thought, looking accusingly at the shiny silver armor that he wore. Wasn't that stuff hard to walk in? Her eyes traveled his form, picking out the tell-tale signs that he wasn't in good condition. One hand was badly bruised, and he was sporting red scorch marks all over his face and neck.

It would have been kind of her to heal him, but Sakura Haruno was not known for her kindness.

"What the fuck are you doing in _my _bed?"

Deidara's eyes shot open, his body reacting so fast he almost slipped off the bed while trying to get a hand on his sword. He found, however, that he couldn't move either of his arms, as they were both being pinned to his back by someone.

"What the hell, un!"

"Wow. Aren't you manly."

Deidara huffed, trying to move his legs and realizing that whoever this bitch was had made him her new seat cushion. Two knees rested comfortably-for _her_-on the back of his thighs.

"I am under orders from the king!" He tried. "I'm supposed to find the princess and bring her back to Konoha."

Sakura quirked an eyebrow, though she knew her captive couldn't see it. "Is that so? And why would you, an Iwagakure, agree to help an enemy nation?"

...Well, shit. She got him.

_Wait a second, _Deidara though heatedly. _Why am I letting this chick get the best of me? He _was the man around here. And if he wanted to kidnap her and take her back to Iwagakure like he was ordered, he would damn well do it. Like hell some little princess was going to stop him.

"You got me," Deidara smirked like a predator who had caught it's prey. "Now, be a dear and-ACK!"

Deidara let out a battle cry as he ripped his hands out of Sakura's grasp and flipped their position so _he _was hovering over _her. _Deidara internally patted himself on the back for a job well done.

Sakura, momentarily stunned, remained silent. He took the opportunity to clamp a hand over her mouth, leaning on his elbow to keep from losing his balance.

"Now," Deidara started again, totally oblivious to Sakura's reddening cheeks, "I've been looking all over for you, princess, and I nearly got burned to death by that Kyuubi brat you keep around to protect this place. He's lucking he got away before I could finish him off."

_Yeah, right. Naruto probably just went to go find help after burning you to a crisp. _Sakura thought, shifting under Deidara uncomfortably.

He smirked, noticing her distress. "No can do, princess, I'm not letting you out of my sight until we reach Iwagakure."

He finally removed his hand, giving her the chance to protest. Sakura, however, had a better plan in mind.

"Well," She started, placing a hand delicately on the back of his neck. "I guess I can't say no to that."

She smiled like the Cheshire Cat, causing Deidara to scrunch up his face in confusion.

"What do you mean by that, un?"

Sakura shrugged beneath him, "you're going to take me whether I want to go or not, right? So why make it harder on myself by trying to escape?"

Deidara blinked. "I guess so..." Huh, weird. He hadn't expected it to be this easy. There had to be some kind of catch, but it was hard to concentrate on that when looking into the princesses apple green eyes. They almost reminded him of the color of a poison he'd seen Sasori mixing once.

Sensing that the knight was distracted, Sakura went on to the next step of her plan. The hand on the back of his neck tangled in his hair-so _soft!_-and her other one went to his waist. She pulled him down so that her lips were nearly touching his ear.

The blond Iwagakure went still. What was this girl _doing? _

Oh, sure. He'd been in this position with plenty other wenches, most much more endowed then this little shrimp, but somehow this was different. It was the first time a girl had ever made the first move on him, not vise-versa. The amount of courage the princess had was endless, he could tell. It was somewhat attractive, if Deidara was being completely honest with himself.

"I never did get your name," Sakura purred, letting the hand on his hip travel around his sword hilt.

Deidara smirked, knowing what was coming. "Deidara Iwa, and you?"

"That," She whispered, "is something you should already know!"

Deidara rolled off the bed, clutching his 'man-parts' as if she had shattered them into a million pieces. It wasn't the most ladylike action, but kicking a guy in his pride sure was effective, Sakura thought.

She hopped off the bed, dusting off her red velvet gown to remove any dirt or dust it had picked up during her long slumber. "How long was I asleep for, anyway?"

If he hadn't been clutching his crotch for dear life, and if Sakura hadn't been a girl, Deidara would've clocked her right in the face. _Now _the bitch decides to play nice? Oh hell no, the war has already begun.

"I don't fucking know!"

Sakura put a hand over her mouth, faking a gasp. "Such language! And in front of a princess, as well!"

"Princesses are supposed to be sweet and even-tempered." Deidara said snidely, finally finding the energy to pick himself up off the ground.

"And knights are supposed to be chivalrous and handsome, which you happen to be neither of." Sakura snapped back, crossing her arms over her chest.

Deidara's hand itched to grab the sword from his hilt and just chop off her head...she'd make such a pretty little souvenir...

No. King Mandara would never accept that. He'd said he wanted the princess, whole and alive, without a scratch on her. And as tempting as it was, the King's rage was much more fearsome then some troublesome little girl.

He was dragging her back to Iwagakure with him, whether she liked it or not.

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"You're despicable."

"And you're heavy."

Sakura's eye twitched. "Maybe if you hadn't knocked me unconscious with the hilt of your sword, you wouldn't have had to carry my unconscious body." She suggested somewhat snidely.

Deidara grinned, holding her closer to his chest. "I like carrying you, un. But seriously, you've been asleep for two years. You shouldn't be so fat."

"I am not fat!" Sakura shouted, struggling in his grip. He held her bridal style, as if she would actually marry an ass like him. _Just wait till I get back to Konoha! I'll make him pay! Cha!_

_Dammit, _Deidara thought, _Sasori didn't warn me that she'd be so...uncooperative. _Then again, Iwagakure had blown up just as many Fire Nation towns as Konoha had Earth Nation towns. Some of those explosions he'd even seen first hand. Just the thought of the fire and dust shooting into the air like stars got him excited.

"What are you grinning about?" Sakura asked, noticing her captor's giddiness.

"Nothing," Deidara said quickly. It wasn't any of her business, anyway.

Of course, that just made Sakura want to know _more._

"Tell me!"

"No. un."

"Yes, un!"

"No, un!"

"_Yes! _un!"

"Quick mocking me, un!"

"Make me, un!"

"!"

"OUCH!"

Sakura groaned as her but hit the ground, most likely permanently staining her red velvet gown grass green. She glared up at Deidara expectantly.

"What, un?" He asked, amused.

"Aren't you going to give me a hand?" She snapped. The forest floor was slightly damp with early morning dew. It was unpleasantly seeking into Sakura's dress, causing goosebumps to appear on her skin though it was late summer.

"Nah," Deidara drawled, leaning against a nearby tree trunk. Sakura hoped some forest critter popped out of the leaves and made lunch out of his head. Hopefully, she would be able to get away before she became dessert. "I like you better on the grass. Matches yer eyes."

"Go to hell." She growled, picking herself up and dusting off the velvet bustier.

Deidara ignored her, instead staring off into the distance. Sunrise was just beginning, leaving a pretty pattern of reds and pinks and oranges across the sky. He was supposed to be back in Iwagakure by tonight, but if the princess kept being so difficult, that wouldn't happen.

He blinked, slowly realizing something. "You never told me your name, un."

Sakura brushed her hair out of her face and looked at him with wide green eyes. "Really?" She asked, all fake innocence and shock. "Well..._too fucking bad._" She hissed, glaring daggers at the handsome knight.

Deidara rolled his eyes and chuckled, "If you won't tell me, I'll guess." His eyes twinkled mischievously.

_What a pretty shade of blue..._Sakura thought, then shook her head. He was the _enemy! _Who care if he had pretty eyes? He'd could blow her to bits without feeling one shred of regret! _Get a grip, Sak!_

"It's Sakura, dumbass." She said, sighing in relief when the sparkle in his eyes went out.

"Sakura, eh? It fits you." He chuckled.

"You know what fits you? Goldy Locks."

"Most people prefer to call me Lord of all Things Beautiful and Sparkly, but hey, whatever floats your boat." He grinned, looking way too full of himself for Sakura's liking.

"You-I hate you!"

Deidara dropped his grin, realizing they should get going. "The feelings' mutual. Listen, I'm supposed to be back in Iwagakure with you by tonight, and I won't hesitate to knock you out again. So I'm asking you now; are you gonna be a good little girl and come quietly, or are you going to make a fool out of yourself by trying to escape?"

Sakura scowled, mad that she was being treated so-so...harsh. Like she _wasn't _the next-in-line to inherit the Konoha crown. The Will of Fire burned inside of her, who did this guy think he was the try and control it?

She shoved her hair out of her face and stomped right up to Deidara, who watched her somwhat warily but held his ground. Sakura didn't stop her advance until they were chest to chest, and even then she had to crane her neck up to look him in the face. She mentally damned his height.

"You listen here, _Deidara-_" She spate his name like it was a curse, "I have better things to do than trail after a sorry excuse for a knight suck as yourself. I'm a motherfucking _princess_, and expect to be treated as so. Now, take me the hell back to Konoha so I can throw you in the castle dungeon!"

To her surprise, Deidara looked down at her and _smirked. _God, he was infuriating! Sakura made a mental note to have the bastard beheaded as soon as possible. "You seem to be forgetting something, Sa-ku-ra," He drawled, snatching her wrist and pulling her body flush against his. Deidara's body was fervent, Sakura shuttered from the sudden warmth.

"Not all knights are as chivalrous as you've come to believe." He whispered, mouth press to her ear. Her hand flew up to the small space between them, trying to create distance.

Deidara wasn't having any of that. He grabbed her other wrist, collecting both of them into one hand and holding them behind her back, and the other pulled her by the hips into his form. She fit so perfectly against him, like they were made for each other.

Sakura had long since given up fighting back her blush. It spread across her cheek prettily, just like the streaks of red dancing across the blue sky overhead. "L-let me go this instance!"

"Why?" Deidara inquired, drinking in the way she squirmed against him when he nuzzled her neck.

"B-because I said so!" Sakura blurted. Why was it so hard to get a grip on herself? She was Konoha's future ruler, dammit!

Deidara looked up from the hollow of her neck, watching her sputter out excused. He sighed, gabbing her chin in his thumb and forefinger, "sorry about this."

"Sorry about wh-" Before she could finish that sentence, his lips were hot against hers, fingers seeking out the familiar spot on her throat.

Sakura gasped into Deidara's mouth, and he took the opportunity to introduce her to his tongue. They battled for awhile, until Sakura finally moaned her submission. Deidara smirked, slanting his mouth and kissing her fervently.

_Wait a sencond..._Sakura thought, common sense finally getting through the fog that he had put around her mind. _This isn't right! I'm not supposed to be _making out _with an Iwagakure knight!_

She found the strength to free her hands and push Deidara away just as his fingers found her frantic pulse on her neck. He pressed hard, and Sakura fell into darkness, but not before catching the last few words out of Deidara's mouth as he caught her in his arms.

"Looks like I won this round, princess." He smirked down at her, the edges of her vision going black.

Sakura fought to stay awake, to give him one last piece of her mind before it melted completely.

"You-" She struggled to say. "You...you piss me off, Goldy Locks."

Deidara's smirk faded as Sakura's eyes closed, cutting off his view of her perfect apple-green irises.

"You piss me off to." He said after a moment of staring at her unconscious form. He knew he was supposed to bring her back to Iwagakure, but his gut instinct was dead set against it.

"Dammit!" Deidara cursed, watching the princess the Konoha go limp in his arms. "Why do you have to be so difficult?" He muttered.

Screw the mission. He was going to dump her back were he found her and tell the king some other prince charming had already come by.

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Sakura's eyes popped open, frantically taking in the living room of her and her boyfriend's apartment. "Woah." She said, one hand flying to her throbbing head. She really needed to stop going out clubbing every night with Ino.

"Honey, I'm home!" A familiar voice sing-songed. Deidara ambled into the house, a grocery bag in each arm. "So they were out of the good headache drugs, but I got you that cherry-flavored crap you like." He said, depositing the bags on the kitchen counter and plopping down next to her on the couch.

He blinked, finally noticing how pale his girlfriend looked. "Something wrong, princess?"

"Don't call me that." Sakura said on instinct. She sighed at the hurt look in his eyes, "sorry, I just had the weirdest dream..."

"You're just hungover," Deidara waved off her concern. "I used to dream the craziest shit when me and Sasori went raving."

Sakrua quirked an eyebrow, more than slightly amused at the thought of her boyfriend raving. "Is that so?"

"Yup," He said matter-a-factly, looking around for the TV box. He got down on his knees and checked between the couch cushions.

Sakura snagged the remote from the low coffee table in front of the couch and tossed it at Deidara's head. "I can't imagine that. Hey, didn't you have classes today?"

"The college is closed," Deidara said, rubbing his head. "They're setting up for the art gallery tomorrow."

"Shouldn't you be helping?" Sakura asked. He slung an arm around her shoulders, and she curled into him, drinking up his warmth like it was lemonade.

"I should," Deidara agreed, flicking through the channels at lightning speed, "but then who would take care of my lovely fiance?"

Sakura almost dropped the magazine she had been idly flipping through. "God, I'm still not used to that word."

"You don't need to be used to it," Deidara grinned, "you just have to be happy about it."

She blushed and rolled her eyes, "I could call up Naruto or Sasuke or Sai, you know. I know how important this art gallery is to you..." Sakura trailed off as Deidara looked directly at her, rendered speechless by the look in his eyes.

"Sakura," He said, gaze softening as he said her name. "Why do you always have to be so difficult. I love you, and I'm always going to be here to protect you." He gave her a brief, lingering kiss on the forehead before going back to his channel surfing as if nothing has transpired.

Sakura leaned back against the couch contently, a small smile gracing her lips. "I know. That's why I fell in love with you." She said quietly.

And though Deidara carried on as if he hadn't heard her, the arm on her shoulders tightened considerably, pulling her closer to him when she needed his warmth.

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**Woo! Finally finished!**

SaRaInLove, **I hope you enjoyed this! I did my best for your request :)**

**This one-shot was SUCH a pain, mostly because I thought of the title before anything**

**else and just HAD to use it XD I'm such a stubborn bitch. **

**I'm happy with how it turned out, though. One of my best stories in my opinion :)**

**What do you think? **

**Should I make a sequel?**

**Review and let me know!**


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